Repetition

I'm planning to be a hero now. I have a garage in my backyard with my dad's old weight bench. I started pumping steel. Looking in the mirror I listen to angry music and pretend to fight shadows. I need to hang a punching bag so I can practice what I would do if I caught a bad guy. I wonder who the bad guys are? Are they my neighbor? Are they you? What would make you do something to hurt someone? What would make you take something that is not yours?

When is that line crossed? Is it crossed gradually? Do you inch closer to that line daily? Or do you cross it daily? What is the line? Who defines it? Is there really a wrong and a right? Or is it defined differently for each person and each culture? I don't know or I know then I forget or I redefine it. Or all at the same time. Sometimes I'm liberal. Sometimes I'm conservative. Sometimes I'm good. Sometimes I'm evil. Sometimes I'm plain confused.

When will there be point blank judgement? When will I look at something and know exactly where I stand, all the time? Never wavering. Always solid. Standing fast.

I know my little girl is an angel. She is pure. Perfect. Untainted. I can look at her and believe in virtue. Truth. I can look at my wife and know that what we have is meant to be. Real. Kismet. Cosmic. I can define wrong and right according to them. That all I want is the best for them. That they deserve something holy. Sacred. That through my love for them I can define myself. That I can look at them and know that something is real. Tangible. Concrete. I can hold them in my arms and know that they exist. I can hold them in my arms and know that I exist. Sticky. Sweaty. Flesh and bone. Family.